Apologies.

Sorry I haven;t been blogging in a while. Been busy with mundane stuff. To make up for it, here, a baby seal.

JUST LOOK AT IT

North Korea. The lolsy country.

"North Korea is kind of like a 12-year-old. It can't support itself because it spends a lot of its allowance on toys and various love letters to Kim Jong-il. And keep in mind "toys" means "weapons." They are always threatening to build a nuclear arsenal, but the world realizes this would be the point the whole North Korea thing would stop being funny."-Cracked on North Korea.

Read more: 6 Reasons North Korea is the Funniest Evil Dictatorship Ever over here.

Cracked.com is my sole repository of information, and is what has provided all of my snarkiness, and has made me lose all faith in humanity. Good stuff.

Just in case you want to join the North Korean fan club, get over here.

Glenn Beck Fayul.

Well, in this video here, the extremely right-wing conservative newsguy Glenn Beck thinks that anonymous is a force of justice. Even  worse, he thinks he is part of anonymous. Somebody out there should take him down. Remember kids, Anonymous is not a force of good, it is a force of lulz.

Why I hate 9gag

Well, I just wrote this about newfriends on the internet.

You know what? my passionate hate for 9gag has nothing to do with accrediting 4chan, more like the acting half the jokes that get reposted on these shitty tumblr and 9gags and what have you, acting like all these image macros and memes and comics are something you knew that you guys discovered and that noone else could possibly have seen before, and that they are part of some secret club of people who know about a joke that is already three years old. Do you know how long rage comics have been around? Do you know how long people have stopped using those in 4chan? But now people post then on their shitty tumblr and 9gag shits, and suddently, its like "OMG LOL this new joke thing is THE LOLS and all of us who get this, we're the cool, kids, right?

4chan was a community of people who had delved so deep into teh shittyness of internet subculture, that we defined what it all was. And it was shit, and we recognized that. We created our own community, over revelling in our little nerdy memes and in jokes. But suddently, now all our old jokes and material, and basically, our personalities and subculture has become THAT HIP NEW THING, where you see laughingelfman on a t-shirt, or when you go on some fucking hipster guy's 9gag account and he is all like "MILHOUSE IS NOT A MEME LOLOLOLOL" or someone links you to 9gag and you see a comic you saw like, two years ago, and you see people literally say "this shit is so funny, i am gonna get this on a t-shirt. everyone of my friends love these mspaint heartbreak comics."

It makes me want to scream. I hate everything about how my corner of life is being exploited, and mass produced, and torn apart so fucking hip assholes and teenagers can suddently say something like "im behind seven proxies" and know what the fuck that means. That my circle of friends is suddently becoming the hip new thing.

yesterday, i saw some sevvie, with skinny jeans and a fucking jacket ofr some lame band that he probably got from hot topic, wearing a shirt that quoted something from zero wing, and I wanted to punch him. I want to scream at him "YOU HAVENT EVEN PLAYED THAT GAME YOU DOUCHECOCK!"

We purposely made 4chan a shitty place, because it was funny, but mostly because the rest of the fucking world didnt accept who we were and are, so we carved it ourselves. We trolled people because trolling was funny, We meme'd it up because were the only people who would undestand the relevance of making a physics joke in relation to the rules of a tabletop d20 roll. Most poeple don't even get half f this shit, they just think it is funny because it is INTERNET HUMOUR.

They werent on fucking somethingawful, or 4chan, or tiny little invisionfree forums back in teh day. They dont really knowwhat is going on. But they can pretend to because shitty websites like KNOWYOURMEME can explain it to them in retard terms, and then sell it on a t-shirt for money.

IF you are not willing to be part of my culture, then you have no excuse to exploit it.






AAAAAND boom goes the dynamite.

Music level: Asian.

Well, because of this guy, I now will never be able to play the violin again. But seriously, if you want to see music done Asian style, check it out here.HERE.

Jeff's movie reviews: The Fifth Element.

Alright, so last night, I was re-watching one of my favorite movies, The Fifth Element. you can check it out here, or if you are not interested in that sort of thing, here.

To put it simply, The Fifth Element is Die Hard in space, except in The First Element, the enemy is literally a giant ball of death.

What roguish charm.

With such a wonderful enemy, you would expect a really awesome hero, and you have it in the form of spacecab driver John McClane, I mean, Korben Dallas, and his trippin' cat.

With heroes like this, you know we're gonna win.

So apparently, this ball made out of pure evil is going to come down to earth and totally fuck things up. To stop this from happening, they have to put some stones somewhere and something or other. Yeah, I wasn't really paying attention. Then, this guy comes up.

Wow. Even now, I am confused as to what that abomination on his head is, is it like a hat? a fez? Whatever. Now this guy wants moolah, so he gives a call to the death ball, yes, he calls this giant ball of death. Is there service in space? What kind of self-respecting ball of death has a cell phone? Anyway, he has to steal the stones to get money. This baffles me the most. Why is this guy trying to help the giant ball of death that is poised to destroy everything everyone has ever known, including him? perfect logic, really.

Then to please the erst of the male audience, they put Milla Jovovitch in clothes like this.

And then Bruce Willis blows things up. And Chris Tucker happens. Nuff' said.

The Special Olympics, part 2 of 2

Well, if you read my previous post, I will continue to describe the republican debate in a way that that the normal middle schooler will understand. On an unrelated note, it has been proven that the average high school graduate has the reading level of a seventh grader. I left off my last post after describing the first two candidates, and with the help of a vomit bucket and a used ummbrella, I will finish describing the otehr two.

Next up in this clown show is this old fool.

Yup. The guy that looks like the protagonist of crankshaft could be our next president.

This grandpa here, his name is Newt Gingritch, is the second most liked candidate in the race. First of all, I do not want a president named after a lizard. Or an amphibian. Except Iguana Jones. He would get all of my votes. all of them. You know what? I am not even going to describe him in full detail. for that, go here.

And last but most radical, here is this guy.

His ears make me laugh.

I have run out of witty things to say, so let me just fill you in. He strictly believes that the original constitution,  written now nearly two hundred and forty years ago, should be followed to the exact letter. He is very conservative, and believes in staying out of things that aren't his problem, he thinks global warming is a hoax, he thinks that church and state should not separate, and he looks like Magneto.

What an uncanny resemblance.

Well, that is all I can write before my mind becomes permanently dulled. If you think that I made any mistakes, feel free to mock me in the comments section below. Enjoy your day, and if you name happens to be Hunter Vasey, I hope an asteroid travels across space and hits you in the balls while you are sleeping.